My stepdad, Kenneth Shank, existed and I loved him. He committed suicide on August 16, 2006. Every concrete memory I had of him was lost in my divorce. They were in a special box that belonged to my ex husband where we kept things like that safe. I haven’t seen them in years. All I […]


I was released from the hospital yesterday.  I learned so much about my condition while I was in there.  I learned what I need to do to get better and how to do it.  A lot of self love is involved.  That’s what’s missing in my life.  I don’t have much to write tonight. I’m […]

plath and paxil

I’ve read it more times than I can count.  Each time I open the front cover, I can’t turn away from the pages.  This time was no different.  I didn’t stop reading until the book ended.  Esther Greenwood’s​transformation from wallflower to woman with no fucks to give always makes me feel better about myself​.   […]


That’s the view of Lake Ouachita from my campsite. I took an impromptu trip back home for Mother’s Day camping. I love it out here. The kids are gathering wood while I get the fire going.  I did the same with my dad out here many times when I was a child.  Truth is, they’re […]

dear prince charming

My kids are my entire life. Without them, Mother’s Day would be the holiday to drown myself in booze, have a breakdown, and end up in jail for public intox.  You try to have me committed on Mother’s Day weekend?!!  I swear on every fucking star in our galaxy that if I’m separated from my […]

the struggle

I’ve learned that no matter how good things are externally, there will always be an internal fight for people like me.  The wonder of the darkness is that it comes with an equivalent light. Unfortunately, it’s impossible to determine which will be dominant in our lives or for how long. You’re not alone.